T G (tomorrow's) Friday

TIRED! Today's bus ride home took me over an hour!!! I'm SO GLAD I didn't get sent to the MOA location for every day work. Holy cats! I also overslept today and P had to get up and drive me to work - bless his crabby old heart.

I have never in my life worked for a job where all the details about it are so hermetically sealed within the office. Basically, all I can talk about is that I'm in mortgage refinancing. Helping with the Obama program. Tomorrow is a half day though, (OH, THE JOY) and it's payday. Life does not totally suck. I plan on having a few strong drinks after work tomorrow...

Slacking seriously on zazen. I'm not getting up early enough, and before I crash out, I'm too tired. I'm thinking of really forcing myself this weekend, especially since I start my regular hours of one pm to nine pm on Monday and I've been stressed beyond belief. Monday, they are also throwing us to the sharks, so I really have to have my wits about me all next week so I don't mess anything up. Yikes!

This is dad as a baby with his dad. I love love love the old photos with the fake added color. The other day, my memory of him was when I was in college, he was staying at a flop house. He would buy the old rip out food stamps from the winos and give them to me for food. He probably could have used them (or the money) himself, but my brother and I always came first.

Decluttering has been at a standstill. It's almost something of a Cadmean victory, where in the process of getting rid of so much stuff, I've made a bigger mess. Back to work on it this weekend. P has to work Saturday, so I'll have time by myself to do it. Wish me energy and luck!

5 Swears In This Post

Exhausted. Feeling a little less ciceronian than usual today, so please bear with me and my aimless ramblings.

For some reason, riding home on the bus yesterday, I was struck by this huge feeling of just simple weepyness. I didn't have this urge to cry or sob, just felt weepy and it was really difficult for me to hold back tears. What makes it even more bizarre, is that there wasn't one single thing that I could put my finger on to make me feel that way. I had had a perfectly fine day at work, nothing was upsetting me, I have not a complaint in the world. Just this overwhelming urge to silently weep on the damn bus. I'm blaming early menopause, for lack of a better reason. I have had times where I just need to sob uncontrollably for about 10 minutes, just to get some random pent up emotion to an event, but I chalk that up to being a girl.

*lightbulb suddenly appears above head*
Well, shit. My dad's deathaversary is coming up in about 2 weeks. I totally forgot that this happens to me around this time every year. Dare you to tell me that my father was NOT a good looking guy (and I swear I'll kick your ass from here to Texas if you do)! He was seriously flawed, but boy, did he love the HELL out of my brother and me. I'll save more Daddy stories when it gets closer to the day. Or maybe everytime I blog I'll post another one... I like that idea!

Enough of the maudlin ramblings.

Completely out of left field, The Biggest Loser tonight is making my stomach roll over...

Work is still good, but am worried about this Thursday and Friday. I have to be at the Mall of America location those days at 8 am. Not a big deal...IF I COULD DRIVE! My eyes are still shot to hell, so I get to take the bus and transfer to the LightRail. Again, not a big deal. BUT, I will probably have to leave around 6 am to get there on time! Yikes! Which means if I want my 1/2 hour "wake up time" (meaning have a cuppa joe, a smoke (yeah yeah yeah), and some breakfast, I have to get up around 4:30 am. Holy cats! So I'm taking it easy tonight and even easier tomorrow night. On a good note, payday is Friday, so maybe I'll treat myself to brunch on Sunday. I like that idea...

Speaking of Thursday and Friday, I'd better get cracking and check the schedules, so I know what the hell I'm doing those days...