T G (tomorrow's) Friday

TIRED! Today's bus ride home took me over an hour!!! I'm SO GLAD I didn't get sent to the MOA location for every day work. Holy cats! I also overslept today and P had to get up and drive me to work - bless his crabby old heart.

I have never in my life worked for a job where all the details about it are so hermetically sealed within the office. Basically, all I can talk about is that I'm in mortgage refinancing. Helping with the Obama program. Tomorrow is a half day though, (OH, THE JOY) and it's payday. Life does not totally suck. I plan on having a few strong drinks after work tomorrow...

Slacking seriously on zazen. I'm not getting up early enough, and before I crash out, I'm too tired. I'm thinking of really forcing myself this weekend, especially since I start my regular hours of one pm to nine pm on Monday and I've been stressed beyond belief. Monday, they are also throwing us to the sharks, so I really have to have my wits about me all next week so I don't mess anything up. Yikes!

This is dad as a baby with his dad. I love love love the old photos with the fake added color. The other day, my memory of him was when I was in college, he was staying at a flop house. He would buy the old rip out food stamps from the winos and give them to me for food. He probably could have used them (or the money) himself, but my brother and I always came first.

Decluttering has been at a standstill. It's almost something of a Cadmean victory, where in the process of getting rid of so much stuff, I've made a bigger mess. Back to work on it this weekend. P has to work Saturday, so I'll have time by myself to do it. Wish me energy and luck!

The Neverending Weekend of the Unemployed...

Which is funny, as everyday is Sunday to the unemployed. Sounds fun, and kinda is for the first week, but holy shit. After that, I had to make a daily game plan so I didn't/don't go nuts. New job doesn't start until March 31st, so I still have 11 days to kill somehow. I'm appalled at the amount of people that say to me "Oh, it must be SO NICE to have all that free time!!!" Um, sorry kids, NO. Not really. I'm broke. If I had money, I could do some shopping for art stuff, travel, enjoy the time off (hire a cleaning person!!!). I actually have to find ways to keep myself from going nuts without the luxury of doing whatever I want to, whenever I want to. Making the lists with LJ helps a lot.

Yesterday was kind of a flake out. Only did the grocery stuff. Need to return to the habit of doing dishes every night.

This is Hank, my friend who the benefit is for. We have about 5 bands lined up and a few artists to donate work for the silent auction. I'm really excited for this, as I've known Hank for, oh, 25 years. When you are a dumb punk rock kid, wary of the older ones (okay, I was 16 and he was 20 and old enough to go to the bars and the shows and had his own place and shit), it's nice when one of the "cool guys" kind of takes you under his wing and acts as your big brother. He still is. I love this man.

Other good news is that Brad Warner is coming to Minnesota. Honestly, I'm a little intimidated by the location, The Hokyoji Zen Practice Community about a half hour away from the Iowa border. I think I'm nervous as I've only been practicing Zazen all by myself in my room. Not with a bunch of others. Why couldn't it be in a bookstore??? Sorry, Brad, I know you aren't a fan of bookstore signings, but we're talking about MY comfort zone here. At least I won't be alone, as my girlfriend Chrissy said she'd come with me. Is there such thing as Zazen stage fright? Oh my. I KNOW I'll be okay, and people won't point and laugh at me (and with my luck, I'll probably fart during it), but I'm still a little freaked out to be honest.

List for today:
*Talk to owner of Grumpy's regarding using location for benefit
*The damn dishes
*Craft Room (I can't find my meditation blanket! - Think it's buried under an amp or something equally rock and rollish that I'm afraid of touching)
*If I'm still feeling adventureous, I may start trying to sew up the armbands that I think I may need for new job to cover up arm ink during the summer. I'm not making any promises there.

Chrissy and Zen

During my "time out" on the net, I was at the local pub having my one drink of the week thanks to our good friend Fred. Bumped into Chrissy, the ex of one of my best friends of over 20 years and got into a discussion about religion and zen and blah blah blah. I mentioned Brad Warner's first book, and (is this cool or sad?) quoted some things from it. She was really interested and took down Brad's name to look up next time she was at the bookstore. A week later, I bumped into her again. She had purchased it and was waxing poetic about it and thanking me for turning her onto it. THEN, she reached into her purse and pulled out "Zen Wrapped in Karma and Dipped in Chocolate". Brad's latest book. A gift. For me. I'm a sap, so I cried a bit. Sounds cheesy, but I was so taken aback by a gesture of kindness like that. I'm so used to being the giver, that I really don't know how to handle the "givee" or the person receiving the gift. I find that hard.

Why is that? Why is it so easy for me to give and so hard for me to receive?

On another note, I've been working my ass off to clean up the craft room and make space for zazen. Our place is so cluttered that I can't find a good spot to practice zazen w/o going nuts. Still working hard on decluttering and getting rid of stuff. It's so hard at times...

Bit of a Throbber Today

Didn't post yesterday as for some reason I woke up with a Black Cloud. Nothing, NOTHING could get rid of it. Not Zazen, not the 1 1/2 hours cleaning my craft room, not a fine, fine dinner with the hub watching a good movie. So, I did something that was pretty out of the ordinary for me. Being as the hub and I are on a super strict budget lately (rah, unemployment!), I try to not spend any money on stuff that isn't necessary. Yesterday I broke that rule. I bought a small bottle of gin and some tonic water. Guess I was figuring that if that damn Black Cloud was not going away, I'd have a little party with it. Something to the effect of "Hey, Black Cloud! How YOU doin'? Not going away? FINE, let's get it ON!" I didn't get hammered by any means, but got tipsy enough for that damn Cloud to get bigger. This is actually the reason I quit drinking more than a glass of wine or have a few beers during a baseball game in the first place.

Lesson re-learned, and I'm thanking the powers that be for coffee and dark chocolate again. See, what is horrid about it isn't that I woke up with a little bangover - that's no biggie. The most awful part is that I woke up with a super huge craving for a Bloody Mary. Sure, feed that demon again. Then the monster gets bigger. Luckily, the monster is kind of silly looking now and not half as intimidating as it used to be, so I can pick up my baseball bat and smack it back into its corner again. Silly Monster.

Okay. GOOD STUFF.

Brad Warner got a big shout out in Scene Magazine from Cleveland. Must call Scharf and have him mail me a copy.

Barb is having a spring cleaning/decluttering contest!

Today, going to declutter all the damn CDs we don't listen to and taking them to Cheapo for some extra cash.

P talked to the landlord yesterday and our super fantastic landlord is giving him some work. Not a lot, but a little something something to help us along. We really did strike gold when we rented this lovely little spot. Now, if I can make it LOOK as lovely as it is...

Once again, if you read this, you must care at least a little about me. Therefore, please sign up at Do No Harm.

This picture that Janice took of me at Art A Whirl last year always makes me happy. Good start to destroying that Black Cloud today!