Oh My God, Verbal Vomit and When Did I Get Old?

I had my first day at work today. Seems to be easy and pleasant enough. Honestly, I am a bit cranked at myself, as I didn't get up at 5:30 am like I had planned. First day jitters, so I didn't really crash out until nearly midnight. Woke up at 6. Not good, as my bus comes at 7:20 and it usually takes me about 45 minutes to get ready. I KNEW zazen was not in the works, but that 1/2 hour that I can get to just chill with my morning coffee and the news (Boo - no Today Show crew for me), and a bagel really calms my mind. I only had about 10 minutes of that, then had to work with the ducks. What is with my damn ducks never being rowed? Washed up, did my hair (what a waste of time that was - thought I was being clever and all, putting my lovely styled hair up under a hat to protect it from the rain - what a mess), got dressed and ran out the door. Had a few minutes to kill, so called LadyJane and chatted with her until the bus showed up.

Long story short...
Basically spent the entire day eavesdropping on A, who I was assigned to. Super fun cute girl probably in her late 20's. Verbal Vomiting almost occured when one of the supervisors came by and asked if I was Louise. The reply that ALMOST came out of my mouth was "No, but for twenty bucks you can call me Daisy if you want to...". I stopped at BUT. Must remember that I am not working in a BAR.

Also, parking my ass in a chair for 8 hours hurts my poor poor back. When I am able to, I'm going to start sitting cross-legged or lotus, as plain old sitting in those damn chairs hurts!!!

That's about it for now, there is a lot more, but dinner is ready and I'm beat. Law and Order SVU is on in 10 also. Should be crashed out by 10:30 at this rate... 5:30, here I come again!

LJ, may call you while waiting for bus again. I'd call Knitty, but I'm sure at 7 am, she has her hands full with Mag and getting ready for work...

ETA: Todays word of the day was en masse. I believe that my blog readers and myself agree en masse that Learner's Word of the Day is kind of bullshit.

Random

First off, a big THANK YOU shout out to Miss LadyJane for posting her tutorial on making ruffles! I'm deconstructing a turtleneck sweater to make into a shrug for spring/summer and working in an office setting. I've also been taking pictures of my progress to post online once I'm done, so if anyone is so inclined to make one for themselves, they can.

My pre-job plans have gone slightly awry. I ended up yesterday starting to put all my work clothes together and today is the body spring cleaning. Oh, to have a bottle of wine while I do it... It's the little things like that that you miss when you are broke!

I'm pretty calm about it, all things considered. The worst part is my eyesight - they just aren't getting better. I'm constantly messing with the contrast and brightness buttons on the screen of the puter and still am looking at the world through fog lenses. Trying to describe it is hard. Maybe it's like someone rubbed Vaseline on my eyeballs. Remember the tv show "Moonlighting"? They used some cheesecloth over the camera lense to make Cybil Shepard look younger and give her a glowy effect. I can't find a decent still from the show as an example. They keep telling me different things everytime I see (haha) the doctor. All I know is that it's a pretty helpless feeling.

Okay, the other day I signed up for the Merriam-Webster's Lerner's Word of the Day. Hrm. Not learning so much. Originally, I was thrilled and excited and considered using the word of the day in my blog as a challenge. I'm no rocket scientist by any means, but most 10th graders know the words they have been sending me. So far I've gotten: dicker, levitate, and pudgy. So, now I'm dickering with my pudgy cat (who just happens to be levitating in the corner) over whether I should cancel my Word of the Day membership. I'll give it another few days.

Off to do the dishes and figure out what to do with the chicken breasts I'm defrosting.

Let's Try This Again

Okay.

Started blathering about what I'm doing to control the pre-work butterflies. Today, I colored my hair (which made it a lot darker than what I wanted, but oh well). Tomorrow is the big scrub/loofah/sort of spring cleaning for the bod day (pedicure included). Monday is gather all acceptable work clothes and get them in one spot to be easily found. Make sure they are all darned, cat fur free, neat and tidy with matching undies/hose available nearby also.

Met up with Hank briefly this afternoon and he gave me leg parts for the auction. Guess I'm going to try and "art them up". We'll see what happens. The one on the left is the upper thigh (which may be used as a "donation cup"), and the one on the right is the calf. No foot, as it got re-used for other legs that he's had. But, it's pretty cool and I'll see what I can do short of doing the much overdone "paint tattoos on the fake leg" crap. Especially since I am NOT a tattoo artist/painter. Maybe could fake it if I wanted, but nah.

Oh, almost totally forgot to pimp out my girlfriend Sarina! If you check out the last issue of Bust here and peek at page 53, you will see a full article on her and her artwork. Okay, she calls it art (and so do I), but my fellow MCAD alum really has a gift for the unusual. You can see her website Custom Creature Taxidermy and just realize how fun and exceptional it is. What I adore best about it, is the way she considers it respect for the dead, which I agree with completely.

By the way, screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP" while you are in Barnes and Noble when you see a friends name on the cover of a magazine is a really good way to get asked to leave.

I ran really quick after buying it.

Oops

Aw crap. After typing a ton, I lost everything I wrote. Now I have to rinse this color out of my hair and go meet a friend really quick. I'll finish this up later.

Piss.

Beat It!

Dead Simple Guide to Beating Procrastination
Post written by Leo Babauta.

I’ve been procrastinating a lot lately. I actually love procrastinating and have nothing against it.

But for those of you who want to beat procrastination, here are 10 simple steps:

1. First make sure you really, really, really want to do it. Seriously - don’t skip this step.
2. Keep things simple - don’t mess with tools, formatting, anything, just start.
3. Make it the first thing you do today, before checking email or anything else.
4. Clear away everything that stands in the way of doing. Including turning off the Internet.
5. Just get started. Overcome the initial barrier by diving in.
6. Tell yourself you’re just going to do 10 minutes.
7. Put something you dread more at the top of your to-do list — you’ll put off doing that by doing the other things on your list. (Structured procrastination.)
8. Find something about it that excites you.
9. Forget about perfection. Just start doing it, and fix it later.
10. If you keep procrastinating, re-evaluate whether you really want to do it. Consider not doing it, or putting it on the backburner.

If all else fails, just take a nap or go outside and enjoy the outdoors or do nothing. Life isn’t all about productivity. Do less.

Me here. If you like this, check out
Zen Habits. Awesome.

DUCKS - GET BACK HERE DUCKS, YOU ARE NOT IN A ROW!

Holy Cats. My "little ole benefit" for Hank just keeps getting HUGER - and I don't care if that's a word or not, cause that's what's happening.

I was thinking 3 bands, a few silent auction items, maybe get the $800 that he needs. Er. Whoa. (someone has already promised to mail a $500 money order)

Looking at 5 bands now, a kissing booth, grilling out, a huge silent auction AND a raffle for a great piece being made just for the occasion. I have to make signs, make donation containers, make sure there is lipstick for the kissing booth, make sign up sheets for the auction, decide what bands play when... Maybe I should become an official party planner (and of course wedding officiant)! Hank also wants to give me the, er, leftovers, from past legs to paint up and out of the hardware I was thinking of making necklaces. WEAR A PIECE OF HANK. I know I'm going to cry over this. Seriously. The facebook page that I made on Friday is already at 150 ppl. I spend about 2 hours a day answering questions and trying to get everything together. I'm NOT complaining, but just so freaking happy and astounded at the response.

Talked to Hank today, and I while I think he kind of gets the whole idea of it, it hasn't really sunk in that we are going to be able to probably make the whole payment for it. Not the 1/2 downpayment, but all of it.

Whoever said punk rock is dead needs a smack on the side of the head. Off to work on the press relase to send to the newspapers...

Weekend Update w/o Jane Curtain

I tried really hard to write on Saturday, but no luck. I typed and typed and typed and everything sounded really awful. So, I took the weekend off.

P is on his 8th day in a row of working. Started a week ago today with helping out at the neighborhood bar cleaning for St. Pat's, working Tuesday and Wednesday there also, then training at "real job" on Thursday. He may have Thursday and Friday off this week. He complained a bit at first, but is starting to get over it. It's HARD to have 4 months off then start working so much so fast, right off the bat. It's going to happen to me next week, but I'm excited. I'm starting to realize that I have ONE WEEK to get my shit in order. I have ONE WEEK to finish up my spring cleaning and get my ducks in a row. Good. I work well under pressure.

Saturday was kind of a wash again too. Sunday, I woke up early and got going right away. First thing I did was post a bunch of clothes from my old dom days on craigslist that I had found while cleaning out the closet. I kept a few choice pieces for going out nights, but the rest had to go. Really. It killed me a bit to get rid of them. As a friend mentioned "Ah, Jackie, it's an end of an era". Yeah, it is. But that era ended a while ago when GZ dumped Bondage a Go Go on Thursday nights. And to be honest? Who wants to get smacked by a tired grumpy 40 something year old dom? She Who Shan't Be Named is lovely at it (and not quite as old as I am) and can pull it off. Me? I'm just falling into my lovely life of art and a regular old job. And, I don't look like that anymore. The little lines around my eyes (love them), the little extra chub around the waist (okay, not love, but like), but I still have the legs (hooray). I'm over the hours of makeup and hair. I'd probably break an ankle on those shoes (stone cold sober). Anyhow, only an hour after I posted the ad on CL, I got a response. It was a guy and to be honest, my first thought was Drag Queen. Awesome! I learned my best makeup tricks from them! After setting up a meeting place and time, when I first saw him, I was a little crushed. No WAY was this guy going to fit into my old clothes! He was a bit taller than I am, dressed in all black, eyeliner, the whole works. Maybe around my age. Big smile on his face. I relaxed. We hit it off right away and I took him to my porch were the clothes were. He loved the first half of the box and didn't bother looking at the rest. Just took the kit and caboodle. For asking price! No haggling - which I totally would have done. He was very sweet and kind and told me they were for the girl in the band he was in and their dancers. I didn't really need an explanation - who am I to judge? I'm friends with a guy who likes me to dance on his chest while he's lying on his back. People everywhere have their own things that they are into. As long as it doesn't hurt me or my community or cause harm to others, let be. We both left happy and I think I made a new friend. Which is the best payment ever.

Today, woke up super late. 9:30 am! I felt like such a slug. Started working on dishes and sewing up the patches in P's Chewbacca Blanket (don't ask) that he's had for 34 years. I think this may finally be the week that I get to wash it or at least run it through the dryer with a freshener sheet. Love him, hate his bankie.

Tomorrow is the big day of getting my act together and finishing off the apartment and keeping it clean. Barb, if you are reading this, send good luck vibes! I will not have as much time once I start working full time, and on the benefit, and Art A Whirl!

Oh. My.

The Neverending Weekend of the Unemployed...

Which is funny, as everyday is Sunday to the unemployed. Sounds fun, and kinda is for the first week, but holy shit. After that, I had to make a daily game plan so I didn't/don't go nuts. New job doesn't start until March 31st, so I still have 11 days to kill somehow. I'm appalled at the amount of people that say to me "Oh, it must be SO NICE to have all that free time!!!" Um, sorry kids, NO. Not really. I'm broke. If I had money, I could do some shopping for art stuff, travel, enjoy the time off (hire a cleaning person!!!). I actually have to find ways to keep myself from going nuts without the luxury of doing whatever I want to, whenever I want to. Making the lists with LJ helps a lot.

Yesterday was kind of a flake out. Only did the grocery stuff. Need to return to the habit of doing dishes every night.

This is Hank, my friend who the benefit is for. We have about 5 bands lined up and a few artists to donate work for the silent auction. I'm really excited for this, as I've known Hank for, oh, 25 years. When you are a dumb punk rock kid, wary of the older ones (okay, I was 16 and he was 20 and old enough to go to the bars and the shows and had his own place and shit), it's nice when one of the "cool guys" kind of takes you under his wing and acts as your big brother. He still is. I love this man.

Other good news is that Brad Warner is coming to Minnesota. Honestly, I'm a little intimidated by the location, The Hokyoji Zen Practice Community about a half hour away from the Iowa border. I think I'm nervous as I've only been practicing Zazen all by myself in my room. Not with a bunch of others. Why couldn't it be in a bookstore??? Sorry, Brad, I know you aren't a fan of bookstore signings, but we're talking about MY comfort zone here. At least I won't be alone, as my girlfriend Chrissy said she'd come with me. Is there such thing as Zazen stage fright? Oh my. I KNOW I'll be okay, and people won't point and laugh at me (and with my luck, I'll probably fart during it), but I'm still a little freaked out to be honest.

List for today:
*Talk to owner of Grumpy's regarding using location for benefit
*The damn dishes
*Craft Room (I can't find my meditation blanket! - Think it's buried under an amp or something equally rock and rollish that I'm afraid of touching)
*If I'm still feeling adventureous, I may start trying to sew up the armbands that I think I may need for new job to cover up arm ink during the summer. I'm not making any promises there.

Blogger's Block?

Gar. Kind of weirded out today. It's really rather strange having the internet back. Actually, it reminds me of being in my early 20's when I HAD to go out 5-6 nights a week to the local dance club. Because if you didn't go out AT LEAST that often, you may miss something really important. A great after hours party, meeting the perfect guy, the best dance tracks all back to back, whatever. So, I stopped going out so often. Guess what? My quality of life did not crumble into ashes. It's the same with the net. When I was without it, I was certain that I was missing out on something exciting that would make my life great. The only thing I was truly missing was wasting my time in front of the screen. Oh, and looking for jobs, but there are ways around that. I guess it's just a weird thing that I end up focusing my bad habits on.

But, on the other hand, I do have to admit that it's nice to chat with my girlfriends, check email, and read my friend's blogs again. Whenever I want to - unless the hub is asleep on the couch. Hee. Why can't he crawl into bed like a normal person?

Speaking of the hub, right now he is NOT asleep on the couch. He is at his first training day of work. I'm thrilled about this. Not only is he working again, he is out of the house. I love him to death. I really do! But, with both of us being unemployed and broke, we ended up spending way too much time together and just getting in each other's hair and under each other's skin. Honestly, I'm surprised murder didn't occur in the last 3 months. I've never been able to grasp how some couples can not only be married/in a significant living together relationship AND go to work together. I really like my ME time. It isn't always enough to hole up in the craft room. Long walks alone help, but since I hate being cold, they weren't really feasible until recently. Maybe it's selfish, but I'm sure he likes time outs from me too!

Stuff for today:
*Make grocery list
*Hit grocery store (don't know if the food stamps "roll over" into next month and don't want to waste them)
*Attempt to return to work on the craft room aka room o' doom.

Recently found out that my good pal Hank needs a new leg. P and I are organizing a benefit to help raise money for the $750 downpayment he needs to make by the end of next month. There will be music, donations at the door, and a silent auction. If anyone wants to donate a piece of artwork for the cause, please let me know.

Employed

Both of us.

Seriously. P starts orientation on Thursday, and I start my training on March 31st. Better, the temp agency I went through told me it isn't really "temp". Looks like they liked my resume and training shit enough to hire me as long as they need me.

Big fat whew.

Chrissy and Zen

During my "time out" on the net, I was at the local pub having my one drink of the week thanks to our good friend Fred. Bumped into Chrissy, the ex of one of my best friends of over 20 years and got into a discussion about religion and zen and blah blah blah. I mentioned Brad Warner's first book, and (is this cool or sad?) quoted some things from it. She was really interested and took down Brad's name to look up next time she was at the bookstore. A week later, I bumped into her again. She had purchased it and was waxing poetic about it and thanking me for turning her onto it. THEN, she reached into her purse and pulled out "Zen Wrapped in Karma and Dipped in Chocolate". Brad's latest book. A gift. For me. I'm a sap, so I cried a bit. Sounds cheesy, but I was so taken aback by a gesture of kindness like that. I'm so used to being the giver, that I really don't know how to handle the "givee" or the person receiving the gift. I find that hard.

Why is that? Why is it so easy for me to give and so hard for me to receive?

On another note, I've been working my ass off to clean up the craft room and make space for zazen. Our place is so cluttered that I can't find a good spot to practice zazen w/o going nuts. Still working hard on decluttering and getting rid of stuff. It's so hard at times...

Don't Know Where To Start!

Been offline due to internet being a "luxury" for a while. Most frustrating is not being able to blog. I did write in a hard journal, but trying to transcribe everything that has happened in the past 3 weeks is nearly impossible. I'm going to try and start with a fresh state of mind tomorrow.

BIG SIGH regarding being back online!